Happy divorce day

So today sucked.

I was generally minding my own business and letting the universe spin as it normally does.

Then I got word that an old friend of mine has pretty much done everything he can to screw his life up. Specifically he and his wife are about to be divorced. This is a guy who I’ve counseled a few times and prayed for constantly. I’ve prayed that God would change hearts in their marriage and renew it. That didn’t happen and now, short of a miracle, four lives are being turned completely on end.

This really bothered me all day. It’s still bothering me. Then I queued up one of the sermons I’ve been behind on. What do they preach on? The complete depravity of man and the fact that as a general rule we’re idiots when it comes to marriage.

Thanks. That’s what I needed.

Then I call a client. The receptionist proceeds to tell me about her divorce ruining her day. I didn’t mind and I hope she felt better after venting, but man, it just wasn’t what I wanted to hear today.

I’ve got some more thoughts on things like this, but I’m too irritated right now to work it all out.

So I’ll leave the conversation to you.

What are you doing to divorce-proof your marriage?

Comments

  1. says

    1. Keep talking… always. Don’t ever stop. Don’t let things get so bad that you can’t talk it out. All problems can be solved if you talk about them right away, when they’re small and manageable.
    2. Don’t take each other for granted and say “thank you” for something every day.
    3. Take time for yourselves, apart and together. It’s important to have your own hobbies, but it’s also important to do stuff together. Have at least one thing you can do together that’s not a must-do household or family thing that’s fun and relaxing.
    4. Pat each other on the butt. Seriously. Not like athletes or anything, just a gentle, “Hey, nice butt” kind of a pat. It’s playful and is a really easy way to keep the spark going, especially when they’re not expecting it.

  2. says

    Sorry, just one more: Do one little nice thing consistently. My awesome wife folds the covers down every time she goes to bed before me. Never fails. Every time, every night for over ten years. That sticks to me and I love her all the more for it. It’s a little something, but it means a lot. She told me once that the little thing I do (without even realizing it) is that when I go into the bathroom at night, I make sure the door is closed before turning on the light so she doesn’t get blinded. I didn’t even realize I do it, but she did.

  3. createdtopraise says

    1. Talk about it….the good, the bad, the mundane. Just talk. I might think my day was boring, but he still wants to hear about it. He might feel like giving in during an argument and just letting the resentment build, but that helps nothing. Talking is the key.

    2. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. If you wake up in a really bad mood…first, try to shake it off and second, let your spouse know that you need some time to get your head together before tackling anything uncomfortable. That way no feelings are hurt unintentionally.

    3. Find out what speaks love most clearly to your spouse and then do it. This could be anything from a present to fixing their favorite meal to simply saying, “I love you.”

    4. Never ever ever do anything to betray their trust. Refuse to speak badly about them to other people, etc.

    5. Protect the intimacy of your marriage. Let your spouse be the one you talk to when you’re confused or hurt or happy or whatever. When you stop sharing those things with your spouse and start sharing them with someone else, you are giving your intimacy to the wrong person.

    6. Forgive freely and wholeheartedly. And then ask for and accept forgiveness.

  4. Brandon Morris says

    Pray together! You cannot be angry at each other and be in the presence of God…I don’t think it’s possible… :P I’ve tried at times. I love my wife, but we do have disagreements – before we go to bed @ night, we pray together. It works!

  5. says

    great post man… and site btw.

    3 people I know all under the age of 30 have quit their marriages in the last 4 months.

    Without writing a book, I am pursuing my wife, humility, and integrity as much as possible.

    Peace
    C

  6. says

    We refuse to say the “d-word” (divorce) even in a playful way. It seems silly, but it keeps it from become an option in your mind. Our pre-marriage counselor told us about that and it’s really stuck.

  7. says

    My husband and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary! This does not make me an expert by any means on the subject of marriage. I have made my fair share of mistakes, HOWEVER- being married to your best friend helps. Guys need to open up more to their gals… gals need not to expect a man to be like a girlfriend! Once it is established that the two genders are different and have different expectations of life and one another, then start building on your weaknesses… the strengths will take care of themselves! In my case- communication skills. I can write my feelings, but I have a hard time speaking my feelings. On the other hand if my husband thinks it he says it, which some times is not a good thing either. Respect one another, be willing to give more than you receive! If you are giving more than 50% and your partner is giving more than 50%- think about how positive your relationship will be and how strong it will grow. I am in love deeper and fuller with Ken now than I ever have been. Don’t get me wrong- there have been moments of fear and anguish, but when all the BS is peeled away (usually outside forces) our love has grown by tremendous amounts in 25 short years! Sorry to ramble, but happy to share! God bless all of you, especially in your marriages! ~rr~

  8. becca says

    Talk to your wife. Don’t make her find out your upset on your blog. :) I think it is very important to “date” your spouse. When you think back to when you were dating. There were probably secret love notes, flowers, movies, and you always made sure to really “talk” to that person even if you had a crazy hectic day. After you’ve been married for a while the flowers seem overpriced, the notes feel silly, and the babysitting costs to much to be able to go on a date. But really, can you put a cost on that secret little smile you wife gets when she gets the unexpected flowers, or the way that little love note makes your man feel loved and appreciated, or how a little quiet time with your sweety (away from the kids) can give your marriage a jump start again. The kids will leave, and interests change over the years, but if you keep “dating” and communicating with your spouse, you grow together and you keep relearning your eachother. Don’t let the time get away from you or you might wake up strangers one day.

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