Restless Sunday night

Between this stupid house thing dragging on and the boys starting school tomorrow I’m feeling really friggin’ depressed.

Conner’s first day of preschool is tomorrow. I’m seriously hoping they call and say “please come pick him up, he can’t live without his daddy.”

And I’m pretty dang close to losing it over this house. We’ve done everything we can and to be honest, God has to be tired of hearing the same prayers over and over again. I’m getting fed up and I really don’t know what to do from here.

This is one of those moments (and I know I’m not supposed to talk about this, being a pastor and all) where you know exactly what the Bible has to say about this situation but it doesn’t help. It says to keep pressing into God and to keep praying.  This is one of those times where instead of Superman-strength faith most people think pastors have, I face a wall of doubt and fear. What if I’ve chased after something God never wanted for me? What if I’ve led my family down a path he never intended? Those are the thoughts that plague me even though I know they aren’t true. Once again, I know it’s most likely the Devil just trying to distract and discourage me. And once again, just knowing that doesn’t seem to help.

And it’s hard to admit all this. I have to be the strong one. I have to lead my family. In fact, Becca will probably be reading these words shortly and worrying even more. I never open up and talk about my feelings to anyone. I’ll probably be in trouble for being willing to type it to the world but not actually talk about it.

I’m tired.

I need a vacation.


  1. Tony the Guido says

    Pssst. Hey man. I know a guy who knows a guy….

    We all don’t know why your house is selling. But we all know that this situation has already passed before God and He has determined His will is slightly more important than yours or mine. And, the real challenge is, how will God get the glory before the sale, during the sale and after the sale?

    Honestly, the joy is in the discovery. What is God doing? What is He up to. There must be something really amazing in store.

    Yeah I know. Easy for me to say. It is actually. I don’t have to live through it all. But, there are people here in Austin, and in Stephenville, and others around the world who love you guys, who are behind you guys, and who believe in you gusy, regardless of what happens with the house. That is a whole lot more valuable!!!!!

    Maybe if you ditched all that mac junk, you might finally find the favor of God to sell the house. Just a thought.

  2. Connie says

    I wish I had those very comforting words that a Mom should have at a time like this, but I probably don’t. I do know that when we want something to happen so badly, and it doesn’t, we become stressed, discouraged and begin to question God on why isn’t this happening … I know this is Your will. Well, just stop that. Stop focusing on what has not happened and focus on what has happened. You yourself said that these two months have provided valuable time for you to catch up and spend time with your family. I have noticed such a change between you and Rebecca and you and the boys.

    You know that God’s time is not the same as ours. It very well may be God’s will for you to make this change in your life and the lives of your family. But even so, until He has you fully prepared to serve Him 100%, you will not be leaving. You have turned it over to God … now go on with your life right here, right now … and when God thinks you are ready, it will happen. Don’t turn it over to God and then worry and stress out. Turn it over to God and live.

    You know that when you get to Austin, your lives are going to change again, back to that busy, busy schedule that pulls away from you and your family. Take this time to come up with a plan to prevent getting back to that 18-hour day and trying to work in 15 minutes with your wife and kids.

    I’m sorry. I really wish I could help.

  3. Tony Chimento says

    Yeah, what your mom said. Besides, I bet your mom could still spank the crud out of ya. Better do what she says.

  4. Tony Chimento says

    Go Connie Go Go Connie Go. Momma don’t play!!!!! For the record, I believe children should obey their parents. (flashing back to leave it to Beaver and Eddie Haskell being oh so nice to Mrs. Cleaver)

  5. Nancy says

    God is not trying to hide His will from you, Chad. You WILL get it right. You prayed. I believe in prayer. I really believe in it. Because of that, I can say with confidence that you will get it right. (even though I don’t know what the right answer will be) You can relax. You already have the victory. Love you all , Nancy

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