Between this stupid house thing dragging on and the boys starting school tomorrow I’m feeling really friggin’ depressed.
Conner’s first day of preschool is tomorrow. I’m seriously hoping they call and say “please come pick him up, he can’t live without his daddy.”
And I’m pretty dang close to losing it over this house. We’ve done everything we can and to be honest, God has to be tired of hearing the same prayers over and over again. I’m getting fed up and I really don’t know what to do from here.
This is one of those moments (and I know I’m not supposed to talk about this, being a pastor and all) where you know exactly what the Bible has to say about this situation but it doesn’t help. It says to keep pressing into God and to keep praying. This is one of those times where instead of Superman-strength faith most people think pastors have, I face a wall of doubt and fear. What if I’ve chased after something God never wanted for me? What if I’ve led my family down a path he never intended? Those are the thoughts that plague me even though I know they aren’t true. Once again, I know it’s most likely the Devil just trying to distract and discourage me. And once again, just knowing that doesn’t seem to help.
And it’s hard to admit all this. I have to be the strong one. I have to lead my family. In fact, Becca will probably be reading these words shortly and worrying even more. I never open up and talk about my feelings to anyone. I’ll probably be in trouble for being willing to type it to the world but not actually talk about it.
I need a vacation.